Mental Potholes

Growing up in the Midwest, with dramatic seasonal changes and temperature swings, I was introduced to the mechanic’s best friend: the pothole. The rise and fall of temperatures created a corresponding expansion and contraction of the highway and would create a wide variety of potholes in the road; some small and some more akin to their bigger brother the sinkhole. These surface irregularities were of an equal opportunity nature and did not discriminate from one car or vehicle to the next. Positioned like landmines a pothole could take out the suspension, blow a tire, or rake the exhaust system clean off. This would all happen without notice or retribution.

If you ever became victim to one you had no warning as often the attack was insidious. The hole would be filled with water or covered with leaves or snow and for most of the classic potholes, those 2 to 3 feet deep and 5 to 6 feet wide, they also would sing a secret song that only your tires could hear and were drawn to. The jolt and the almost instantaneous cussing and swearing was like being awakened from a sound sleep and realizing you have been punked and singled out for road ridicule. The sad part was that complaining about it didn’t improve the disposition of your car or your own temperament. And because there was no hiding or escape from these sunken monsters, drivers would use radio traffic reports to warn others…”save yourself on Gordon street, I just saw a VW swallowed alive.”

As bad as potholes can be for drivers, the ones hidden from view in our minds can be devastating. A mental pothole is a place and space in your thinking or psyche that can lay dormant for many many seasons. It’s a thought or a memory that when brought to the surface and present moment stops us in our tracks. It’s something we don’t like to think about, wish we could forget, and maybe pray that no one else will ever discover. Everyone has been to the “dark” places and have dwelled in sadness or pain, and then emerged free and happy only to have some comment or other trigger bring them back to that moment of hurt.

At the moment when we hit a mental pothole, we lurch into a mental collapse and are instantaneously and dramatically reconnected to a place and time that we prayed we would forget. It could be the death of a child or friend, the loss of a lover, a job, an opportunity missed or an extraordinarily embarrassing experience. It could be something that we’re not proud of or afraid of. It might be something that no one knows about you – your own personal secret from hell.

If you don’t have anything like a mental pothole waiting to undo your journey that’s great; keep on trucking as they say. If you do have a thought or memory that somehow haunts you and maybe even holds you back I offer a few suggestions on how to set it free:

1. Own it. I know it might be painful but bring it to the surface one more time. Play it in slow motion and let the feelings come through. By owning it we can place ourselves in the right frame of mind to deal with it.
2. Don’t judge. Let the memory or thought be free to be what it is. Don’t blame the situation or timing and for sure don’t blame yourself. Whatever it is or was is gone and over and it can’t keep you from experiencing the present moment.
3. Be now. The present is the only place to create new memories. As you proceed on your journey you may hit a pothole or two but they can never ever keep you from reaching your destination. There is always a way to proceed; a way to let it go and move on. I know you know you can.

Our journeys are never clear and straight and free of obstacles. They are packed solid with life and all that comes with it. And we can complain or maintain or we can embrace the trip of our lives; the only one we get, the one that’s calling to you now.

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Today’s Szenippet:Everyone has a place inside where no one else can ever go.

Gary Szenderski
From the Book of Szen