Father Knows Best

Father Knows Best is the title of an old TV show where the father would always have the most thoughtful and best advice for his children and they would totally honor his thoughtfulness and insights and of course he did it without any pressure or angst. Everyone always lived happily ever after because his advice always worked perfectly. The show has long been off the air but one may see a repeat from time to time on the Fantasy Channel.

I like being a dad. Having been a dad for a while, knowing many, many dads as well as actually having a dad myself, I think I can safely say that once you become a father everything changes. And because fathers don’t live in TV Land they tend to do things as best they can in their own way.

There is no manual that your dad followed or passed down to his children. He made it up as he went along and often prayed that he made the right call. My father had seven children and one would think that by the time the fourth or fifth arrived he would know exactly what to do and just coast through the process. After all he worked way too many hours a day and experience should have been the great equalizer as far as parenting goes. The problem is that the kids did not conform. They were all different and worse yet they grew up in different times with different trends and different temptations. How is a man expected to keep up? The fact is you can’t but you still try.

I just returned from a trip where I had a chance to spend some time with my five brothers of which all are now fathers, and a couple are grandfathers. They are all very different but the children seem to share a common bond not only with their siblings but with their cousins too. They all have respect for their dads. I know that the word respect gets used way too often and can mean different things to different people but in this context I mean that they love their fathers even though each of them, this includes my own children, know that their father is not perfect.

Fatherhood is not a science or a study in repetitive therapy. It’s dynamic, unpredictable and packed with pressure. Pressure to support a family, be at every event, game, or situation and pressure to sometimes not get in the way of where your child wants to go. Fortunately it is also packed with joy. This is what makes it worthwhile and why the Indian Princess, boy and cub scout, baseball, basketball and whatever meetings and events are required, are attended by dads willingly even though there is still a lot of other stuff on their plate.

Having said all that, this is not about feeling empathy for dads but rather it’s a reminder of what all of our fathers did for us and never complained about. This Father’s Day think back on a story about your dad that he may love to hear from your perspective – A story that he may have forgotten or even one that he loves to hear over and over again. It’s the stories that tell the final tale of why we need dads and should honor them whenever we can, even if it’s only once a year.

As I’m also sending this to my sons I’m hoping that the guilt will help them decide on a decidedly upgraded present. The fact that I don’t need anything doesn’t matter. My father got so many painted ashtrays and clay palm prints and shirts he never wore but accepted all in the joy of receiving. And when he was very sick before he died, my two boys and I went to visit him in the hospital. He had been nearly comatose and was not going to make it. As we stood in the room I tried to explain to the kids about what my father meant to me. They watched me watch him and saw my sadness and gave me a hug.

The nurse had told us that he had not been reacting to anything and seemed to be resigned to passing on. As we prepared to leave we said our goodbyes and touched his hand. Surprisingly, he literally reached back to us and startled us by waving goodbye. It was the last time I saw him. If you are lucky enough to have your dad still with you, don’t miss the chance to touch his hand too – even if he doesn’t or didn’t know best, he knew enough to help you get you where you are today. And if he’s gone, make sure he’s not forgotten. Happy Father’s Day Dad. I miss you.