The Ride of Your Life

Have you ever had the experience of driving in a car with someone whose driving skills were a bit suspect? Maybe it really wasn’t their skill but their attention span. I know as a passenger I’ve seen my life flash before my eyes because the driver was simply not paying attention. It’s scary to have to point out oncoming traffic, obstacles, turns, signs, red lights and the CHP pulling along side to the inattentive driver.

There are very few people that I can really relax with while they’re driving – including my two sons and their mother. That’s why I like to drive. I trust me and I pay attention. My boys though, tell me that I’m on a “Sunday” drive all of the time. I’m going too slow and braking too soon and signaling too early and just toooooo safe. So what! I’m driving just like my father did and his father before him. I’m careful with kids in the car, no matter how old they get. The fact that I drive completely differently when they’re not with me is another story as some of you know.

This gets me to my segue: When it comes to driving and life in general there are three types of situations and or people: Those that steer, the navigators and those that just go for the ride. In my life and career I’ve often had to take the wheel but mostly I’ve been hired as a navigator and have dutifully plotted the correct course and have been happy to let someone else drive. But every once in awhile I encounter a driver that really doesn’t want to go where they say they want to go, so they change course or sometimes stop altogether. I call this the fear of arrival. It’s the time when one actually is on a path to reach their goal and yet something holds them back. It could be the pressure of success, a fear of ultimate failure or simply the discomfort of being in new territory. When this happens in a business, hitting the brakes can spell disaster because stopping nets nothing- As Roman playwright Terence so aptly pointed out: “Fortis fortuna adjuvat- Fortune favors the brave.”

I’ve observed that often the problem isn’t so much in getting there as it is setting the original destination. I think it’s pretty true that people tend to attract those places and things they think about most. So it stands to reason that if you think about your destiny enough and make some good choices to facilitate the journey, you will ultimately arrive at the exact place you want. The key word here is “you”. What you want.
How often do we set our sights on places and opportunity and careers and whatever based on a goal that was provided to us by a parent, a spouse or maybe even the culture/society we live in? I mean we’re supposed to have good jobs and respect from our peers and a nice house and respectful and obedient children. Isn’t that the default goal? I’ve been there and succeeded because I drove myself exactly where I was expected to arrive; and I drove it really fast. When I was 21, I had a great job and a new house. Now what? For me it was too early to simply turn off the engine and relax. As it turns out, it wasn’t all that great. So I changed course and added some “off the beaten path” locations to my itinerary. That’s what ultimately got me to Los Angeles.

To keep this driving analogy going, I think that some people really need a navigator because without one they tend to stray from the course and often end up in the wrong place. And just as true is the fact that some people really need to drive for a while to get the feeling of control and the sheer fun of steering or just moving. And passengers? They make the ride worthwhile and underscore the perhaps surprising reality and truism that success is never really about the destination, it’s about the journey.

So who is on your journey? This last week I’ve met a bunch of people that really need to take the wheel of their life. They need to step on the gas and go, roll down the windows and enjoy the ride. Okay. I think I’ve milked this driving metaphor enough and just want to remind all of us that we often get behind the wheel and arrive with no recollection of how we got there. It’s a type of personal hypnosis. The point being that many things that we say we want to do or achieve are on auto pilot and for some of us, if we don’t pay attention we’ll miss all of the fun. While for others, the fear of arrival will keep us from reaching our full potential only if we give into the feeling of being out of control. To get control is really simple: Take a deep breath, see yourself in your mind succeeding in whatever it is you want and then last, but not least, believe it. Vrooom.

The Book of Szen