Fishing is not my sport. Yes I have fished in the great lakes, a couple of oceans and a mountain stream or two. I have fished from the pier, the rocks and on the open sea. I fish in the appropriate garb and with the mandatory cooler of beer. I usually fish with the guys but caught my largest fish with a woman. I have had countless instructions from the very best in the field and can safely say I have retained very little if anything on what works with fish and what doesn’t.

My grandfather was a prolific fisherman. He would catch 50 or 60 fresh lake perch in a day, clean literally every bone out of their bodies, pass them on to grandma who would deep fry them to perfection and serve them to the seven grandchildren for immediate and complete consumption. Yum. Occasionally grandpa would take us kids out for a day of line entanglement, lost poles and bait, and a bag lunch made by grandma. The lunch was the highlight and as far as I could tell, and the only reason to go on these fishing expeditions. I think between me and my siblings we caught a grand total of three fish in 11 years.

When it was my turn to teach my children how to fish I was ready with the bagged lunch, which for them was also the highlight. Still we would drive up to the Sierras and spend some quality time lure fishing, casting off the shore, reeling in slowly and recasting until we grew tired – about 15 minutes. There once was a time when the one that “got away” was witnessed by many and deemed to be the biggest trout in the lake. I struggled with it and got it close enough to shore where a friend literally jumped in the water and tried to navigate the brute into the net which was sadly way too small to hold it. Everyone close by stopped and watched this huge, I think, prehistoric relic-like fish thrash and jump and basically put on a show. The show ended with the fish doing a triple summersault in the air forcing the line to snap and then plunging head first in perfect form into the cool blue lake. As I replayed the story to anyone in earshot, my son Max would remind me that it got away. Yes, that’s true I said, but let daddy tell his story.

The very first time I went fishing for trout it was in the same Sierras and we were with a group of accomplished fishermen and women. Not knowing what equipment would be appropriate we decided to buy what was advertised and seemed reasonable in price; in other words cheap. The rod was telescopic and could easily fold and fit in a glove box and was as convenient as the ad said for anytime you’re near a fish. You could reach into your glove box and have a completely professional rod and reel and just catch away. The price was an amazing $9.99. I bought two for me and my wife and drove 7 hours to where the fish were waiting. When we presented our gear to the regulars they, for some reason, thought we were kidding. No, we were serious. And just like in the commercial, flipped open the rod to its full extension, placed a lure (that came with it) on the end of the line and cast out with the confidence of Ahab.

For some reason, the line did not fully extend. The backlash created what they call a bird’s nest and the gear never really lived up to the promise. Everyone had a good laugh and it forced me to invest slightly more than I anticipated into some new rigging. The new stuff actually worked and after a while we were casting like pros. After a few trips we actually got the hang of it and caught a fish or two or three.

I liked to fish and it helped me learn patience. As Shannon would like to hike around the lake we would split the kids and she would take Max and Adam would hang with me. One time she took off on an excursion with Max and I was casually casting off the shore, while Adam was playing or coloring or something. After a couple of casts I was getting into the flow and didn’t notice that Adam had moved directly behind me. You guessed it. On one cast I felt a snag and the line was not moving forward. I heard Adam cry: “Dad, ouch it hurts”. I turned around and saw the lure with its hooks firmly planted on the top of his little boy head. I was horrified and immediately ran to him to see what happened. It was stuck in there good and so I yelled to Shannon to come back in a voice that only a mother could sense its urgency.

We took Adam to the emergency room and removed the lure and the doctor placed it on the full size human dummy that adorned the lobby. The dummy was a monument to fishing and was covered with hooks and lures and barb and Adam’s lure was placed right on top of the head where it belonged. Ever since that day, I’ve adopted a “catch and release” philosophy which is good news for Adam and a joke to the fish.

Crazy

This is a story that illustrates the basic precepts of my personal thinking and what I teach and believe in. That is that the key to success is to stay focused on the goal and never worry about how you may get there. The reason this is true is that once you start worrying about the “how”, all of the obstacles show their ugly face. So by believing that somehow you’ll get where you want to get as long as you stay concentrated on the end result is the high ground in my view.

A CASE IN POINT: I’ve written a great deal about relationships here in these pages over the last year or so and here is an example of just how powerful they can be in helping one reach their goals even if they work out in an unexpected way. In the 90’s I worked for a client called Aircoa, later named Richfield. They managed a wide variety of branded hotels across the United States and other parts of the world. Our agency was in charge of providing the local marketing and advertising for hotel brands from Hilton to Sheraton to Clarion and Holiday Inn. Consequently I traveled a bit and developed a positive and lasting relationship with my client counterpart, Laura. One of the favorite stops included a hotel on Kona Island in Hawaii named Kona Village. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay with my family at this exclusive high-end resort all under the guise of market research.

It was a busy business and sometimes the stress levels got a bit high but after a couple of years working together Laura and I became fast friends. She eventually left the company and moved to Hawaii and I moved on to start my own agency with another former client. We kept in touch and she told me about the place she was working and suggested that they could use an agency like ours and was going to try and make the introductions.

We would talk about how great it would be to work together again and set the intention. Of course these types of things aren’t always a slam dunk but eventually Laura arranged for me to meet the owner in Honolulu. I have to say that she had worked really really hard to make this all happen and so when the day finally arrived and I showed up at the corporate headquarters of Crazy Shirts I was really excited. I checked in at reception and I was announced to Laura. It was great to see her again and I could only imagine the fun we would have working together again.

After a hug and handshake the first thing she said was that today was her last day at Crazy Shirts. WHAT!? It was a long story but Rick; the owner would still meet with me. I had never met Rick, the creator of Crazy Shirts, nor knew much about him and figured that this would be a great episode of the Twilight Zone and my days on the islands would be numbered. After we talked for a while I realized that I was there for a reason and that somehow this would all work itself out. And it did.

Over the next few months and a number of trips back and forth to Hawaii our team and the Crazy Shirts people created a bond and eventually decided that we would create a new commercial for the brand. The trick was that it would have to work in multiple languages, mostly for the Japanese, a key target audience segment that had purchased huge amounts of the Crazy Shirt brand from Tokyo to Guam. To that end we prepared a number of story boards and concepts to accomplish the goal. Rick and his team though had trouble deciding which one to go with. To make the final decision required that we bring the Crazy Shirts team to our place where we could limit their distractions and hopefully close on a viable concept.

After a wonderful dinner at my partner’s home I escorted Rick to the den and started my presentation with a simple pitch: You can’t leave this room until you decide which concept you want. About an hour later we emerged with the blessed idea. A TV spot that eventually would work in multiple languages and net our firm a CLIO award. The name of the spot was GET CRAZY and so it was.

The point of this story is so embedded in my psyche that I call upon it often to remind me that things happen for a reason and even if they don’t’ conform to how you think they should unfold they unfold nonetheless in a wonderful, splendid and all together perfect way – just like you intended. So don’t give up on your goals even if you don’t know how they will be achieved. You never know when a friend may intercede and connect the dots. Crazy!

The Next Level

Okay, you have done the right thing, have the right education, know the right people, paid your dues as it were, and now feel that the time is right to make a change. You want to improve your life, take the bull by the horns, and are ready to go to that next level, whatever it may be. However, getting from where you are to where you want to be is often easier said than done.

I’ve been very lucky in that, for over 25 years, I have worked almost exclusively with people that want to go to the next level. These people are owners or leaders of companies that feel it’s time to turn it up a notch or two. They want to introduce a brand or line extension, launch a new product, go to a new market, go public or just simply get better or bigger than they are now. In dealing with these transitional situations there are always practical issues to deal with like resources, competition, manufacturing capability, timing etc. But there are also some personal and human issues that must be addressed; after all these organizations are not run by machines. Having said that, I’ve identified three key variables that impact successful change and often keep people from achieving their dreams: Lack of a clear vision, fear of failure and force of habit.

Vision is something that is more than a goal it is an aspiration that becomes inspirational. That is to say that it must be clear enough to describe exactly what you want to achieve in such a way that others can appreciate and actually support. I work with a lot of executives that wonder why their team doesn’t seem to be getting on board with the program. And so when I ask the team to describe the vision of the company and they can’t, it becomes pretty clear what the problem is. I think this is also true for individuals. You may not have a company behind you but there are friends and family that would be very willing to support you if they only knew what you wanted to do. One other aspect of setting a vision is that it must be grand. To paraphrase Michelangelo – It’s better to set your sights too high and miss than set them too low and hit the mark. I’ve also found that whenever one tries to accommodate their vision to whatever everyone else wants, you’re dead before you start.

Fear of failure is pretty common and most of us have experienced this in our lives at one time or another. This fear is what screws up the vision making process because we tend to dilute the goal to fit a projected outcome that is safe. People don’t like to fail and so they tend to compromise and set the bar only as high as they have already been. With my children I remind them that failure is simply an outcome and necessary if one is to grow. And then I’ll ask what I think is a key question for all of us: If you knew you wouldn’t fail what would you do? If the answer does not describe your current life then maybe it’s time to realign your vision and start creating outcomes that move you to where you want to be.

The last factor to contend with for getting to the next level is called the “force” of force of habit. This is a biggie and something that I think we all can relate to. When I used to work on the assembly line at the Jeep plant in Toledo, each station along the way was equipped to add or improve one aspect or component of a car that slowly moved along a predictable path that in theory would be driven off the line and be as good as new. Some stations would not change at all for years, but every once in a while a new- from the bottom up- model would be designed and we all had to learn a new way. I don’t think I’ve ever heard so much complaining by so many people as I did when a new car was coming down the line. Whatever you knew before was thrown out the window and those old habits were hard to let go. I felt really sorry for the people that bought those first new cars because when so many work stations had parts left over that were supposed to be in there somewhere you just knew it wasn’t right. And in today’s world if you’re in a comfort zone, doing things by rote, there is a good chance that you’re missing out on some excitement in your life. As Will Rogers said: “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll still get run over if you just sit there”.

To sum up – a clear vision, no fear and the ability to change is all one needs to succeed. So go ahead, plant the seeds of your dream and create a grand vision for the future you’ve always wanted. Don’t be afraid of the outcomes because that’s how we learn. And remember that you can’t get to the next level until you let go of the level you’re on. Bon chance!

From The Book of Szen

Daze of Summer

You can tell it’s officially summer by how your children seem a bit lost and are looking for something to keep them occupied. When I was growing up and summer vacation was upon us, I don’t recall complaining to my parents that there was nothing to do and that I was bored. Or said another way, if I complained that I had nothing to do, they would find something for me to do, so I always elected to get out of the house as soon as I could and dutifully return when the street lights came on.

A typical summer vacation day began with my friends and me sitting around saying “what do you want to do? I dunno, what do you want to do?” – And on an on it went until someone would suggest going to someone else’s house to ask their opinion. Somehow though, by the end of the day, it had been filled with swimming, baseball and an assortment of other games plus the mandatory hanging out at the drug store making the coke phosphate last as long as possible. It was fun and so simple that the joy of being with your buds and all of the laughter was all you could think about until the next day. And at the end of each of those days my parents would ask what we did all day and of course the answer was “nothing, we just hung around”. After a week or two into summer vacation my parents quit asking.

I’m really excited this summer because my boys are working and/or going to summer school. No boredom, no hanging around the house looking lost. And since we’ve already had a vacation, the next few months will be pretty much up to chance. Yes they have the beach any time they want but there is also a visit planned by their cousin some time in July. I tend to let it be what it is and not try to force any events or anything on the guys. However when I was growing up my parents had their vacations planned to include all of us no matter what.

One of the favorite, although I don’t know why, thing for my family to do was to go to the lake. Growing up in Ohio on Lake Erie meant we could not go to that lake because it was polluted. You could boat on it and even water ski on the lake but if you fell in, your body would decompose immediately and be eaten by the resident garbage fish of the lake – the carp.
We chose instead to go to Michigan and find a clean lake where we could splash and swim and hang out all day. The problem was that everyone else wanted to go to the same lake. To avoid the hassles of too many people and not enough parking or picnic table space, my dad would proclaim an early rising day. He would instruct the six or seven of us kids to be ready to leave at 10 a.m. No later or we would not get a good spot.

For some reason, we never responded quite like dad had envisioned and usually we were an hour or two late. Once at the lake we would find ourselves stuck at the most distant parking place from anything. My dad would be muttering under his breath as he finally wedged the car into a spot that required a can opener to enter. He reminded everyone to carry some piece of the 20 ton baggage we had brought so that it would be done in just one trip. But no sooner had he placed the car in park and turned off the engine, did all of us scamper to the beach with only our towel in tow. Mom of course had to chase after the kids and was gone in a flash.

Dad would emerge from the car facing the already hot and humid afternoon sun and light up a cigarette. He’d lean against the car and scope out the terrain to see where he should set camp. In a trait I inherited from my father he would strap every piece of stuff to himself in order to make just one (death defying) trip. This included an 80 pound bag of charcoal, a cooler full of ice and whatever and an assortment of towels, blankets, cups and paper plates.

Loaded like a pack mule, he would plod step by step to the farthest spot from the lake in a place where one could not even see the water from the rickety, hole-filled, picnic table which no one else wanted. And just about the time that he had unloaded his load and sat down, the kids would come running back asking for lunch. And dad would simply ask how many wanted hotdogs and how many wanted hamburgers. And this was his vacation – a vacation filled with a dazed joy not from what he did for himself but what he let us do. Hot dog please –two!

From The Book of Szen

Father Knows Best

Father Knows Best is the title of an old TV show where the father would always have the most thoughtful and best advice for his children and they would totally honor his thoughtfulness and insights and of course he did it without any pressure or angst. Everyone always lived happily ever after because his advice always worked perfectly. The show has long been off the air but one may see a repeat from time to time on the Fantasy Channel.

I like being a dad. Having been a dad for a while, knowing many, many dads as well as actually having a dad myself, I think I can safely say that once you become a father everything changes. And because fathers don’t live in TV Land they tend to do things as best they can in their own way.

There is no manual that your dad followed or passed down to his children. He made it up as he went along and often prayed that he made the right call. My father had seven children and one would think that by the time the fourth or fifth arrived he would know exactly what to do and just coast through the process. After all he worked way too many hours a day and experience should have been the great equalizer as far as parenting goes. The problem is that the kids did not conform. They were all different and worse yet they grew up in different times with different trends and different temptations. How is a man expected to keep up? The fact is you can’t but you still try.

I just returned from a trip where I had a chance to spend some time with my five brothers of which all are now fathers, and a couple are grandfathers. They are all very different but the children seem to share a common bond not only with their siblings but with their cousins too. They all have respect for their dads. I know that the word respect gets used way too often and can mean different things to different people but in this context I mean that they love their fathers even though each of them, this includes my own children, know that their father is not perfect.

Fatherhood is not a science or a study in repetitive therapy. It’s dynamic, unpredictable and packed with pressure. Pressure to support a family, be at every event, game, or situation and pressure to sometimes not get in the way of where your child wants to go. Fortunately it is also packed with joy. This is what makes it worthwhile and why the Indian Princess, boy and cub scout, baseball, basketball and whatever meetings and events are required, are attended by dads willingly even though there is still a lot of other stuff on their plate.

Having said all that, this is not about feeling empathy for dads but rather it’s a reminder of what all of our fathers did for us and never complained about. This Father’s Day think back on a story about your dad that he may love to hear from your perspective – A story that he may have forgotten or even one that he loves to hear over and over again. It’s the stories that tell the final tale of why we need dads and should honor them whenever we can, even if it’s only once a year.

As I’m also sending this to my sons I’m hoping that the guilt will help them decide on a decidedly upgraded present. The fact that I don’t need anything doesn’t matter. My father got so many painted ashtrays and clay palm prints and shirts he never wore but accepted all in the joy of receiving. And when he was very sick before he died, my two boys and I went to visit him in the hospital. He had been nearly comatose and was not going to make it. As we stood in the room I tried to explain to the kids about what my father meant to me. They watched me watch him and saw my sadness and gave me a hug.

The nurse had told us that he had not been reacting to anything and seemed to be resigned to passing on. As we prepared to leave we said our goodbyes and touched his hand. Surprisingly, he literally reached back to us and startled us by waving goodbye. It was the last time I saw him. If you are lucky enough to have your dad still with you, don’t miss the chance to touch his hand too – even if he doesn’t or didn’t know best, he knew enough to help you get you where you are today. And if he’s gone, make sure he’s not forgotten. Happy Father’s Day Dad. I miss you.

From The Book of Szen